Melbourne Area Libraries to Debut DNA-Vein Time Clocks?

Melboure, Australia has given the world a lot: Kylie Minogue, Cate Blanchette, the 1956 Summer Olympics, Rio Tinto, and the Melbourne Fringe Festival. Today, if the Australian Associated Press, is to be believed, Melbourne (Monash, really) is on the brink of giving us (or rather its librarians) a time and attendance system unlike any the world has ever seen.

Monash City Council's human resources department came up with the plan, which would require library staff to provide DNA samples and have their veins scanned using pattern-recognition technology to clock on and off for a shift. (AAP)

This is amazing. A multi-modal combination DNA-Vein biometric time clock will make for exceedingly accurate record keeping and a high assurance that the library staff are being paid only for time actually worked.

Some, however, may wonder why the libraries need a vein scanner attached to their DNA time clocks. That, gentle reader, is because identical twins have identical DNA. Identical twin librarians using a DNA time clock would quickly find themselves in a scene worthy of a Eugène Ionesco play:

Twin 1: G'day twin. Lovely day to be a librarian. (clocks in with DNA time clock) Ouch!

Twin 2: Right you are, Twin! (clocks Twin 1 out with DNA time clock) Ouch! (they both proceed to the stacks)

Head Librarian: Crikey! What are you two doing here? The attendance record shows that one of you was here for 5 seconds this morning.

Twin 2: No, Ma'am. We've both been here since 8:30.

Head Librarian: Well, that's not what it says here. 

Well, perhaps more Monty Python than Eugène Ionesco, but you get the picture. The vein reader attached to the DNA time clock is absolutely necessary to prevent these and other potentially embarrassing and time consuming situations from vexing library staff.


Additional Information:
Neither of these two straight news pieces mention DNA at all:

Finger scanners to keep tabs on librarians (ABC)
Melbourne council searches in vein for tardy staff *(CRN.com.au)  

David Heath at IT Wire seems pretty sure that the explanation for the Australian Associated Press story is other than that someone has invented a DNA-Vein time clock. You'll have to click through to see his explanation for yourself.

In the light of this additional information I must acknowledge the possibility that the Australian Associated Press writer who penned the above linked article is mistaken about biometrics as well as the possibility that DNA time clocks (with or without vein scanners) don't exist.

*Bonus: New (to me) biometrics pun!